Tuesday 25 September 2012
The life of a leper
J has been going to brownies since she was 7 (she's 10 now). Alot of the girls she goes to brownies with she used to go to school with. J changed schools last October (which is a whole new post) but prior to this the mums of theses girls where the women I used to chat with every morning and every afternoon. They know me. So I'm not sure whether I should laugh or be hurt that now, now since my daughter has died they would rather ignore I exist then say a word to me, or even acknowledge the fact that I'm there. To the point where I go to a brownie parent meeting, I arrive early, I sit in the middle of the row and the other parents fill in making sure they leave three seats empty on either side of me. In fact they would rather stand than sit next to the women who's daughter died.
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You know it's contagious to lose children. If they sit next to you, their child might die. Of course, their child might die anyway but they'd rather not think about that. Frankly, I would rather not think about my child dying either. Unfortunately, I can't ever forget holding her hand as they stopped trying to resuscitate my little princess. People just don't get it. And I wouldn't either if my child hadn't died. However, I like to imagine I might have had the decency to sit next to someone whose child did and maybe put my hand on their shoulder. I don't know what to say but I know it's a hard road. I've been luckier than most who have lost children in that a couple of close friends have really stuck by me. Everyone else can just bugger off.
ReplyDeleteScrew them Sally - I wish I was there to hold your hand xx
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