Nearly there

Slowly minute by minute hour by hour the day gets closer the date 5 years ago when I was lying in a hospital bed waiting for J and at to visit after spending weeks in there with high BP but a baby that wouldn't grow.  I was on a CTG machine waiting for her to kick but there was something wrong and instead of a nice steady strong heartbeat it started to decel and they decided to induce that night.  I met T and J as I was being wheeled into delivery, 2 hours later and my gorgeous baby girl was lying in my arms.  Everything I needed for my world to be complete.  Now 5 years on my life will never be that complete she will always be missing

It's been a long time

It's been a while since I posted ..   A long while and in that while nothing has changed and everything has changed. 

I guess the biggest change is that we have moved home.  It started as a conversation back in May about the fact that my parents were moving and how upset I was at the thought of them being 4 hours away instead of over the road.  How I would miss them. Tom questioned why we didn't move as well and before I new it 3 short months later we are here living g in Norfolk away from the familiar and the faces, away from the glances and the whispers and the rumours a new start.

A start without B.  we are here, are memories are there the constant reminders of where she jumped in puddles where she drew on the wall where she laughed and cried and played, and where she rests. In some ways it's easier to be here in others I long to be there.

As we pass into this new yeary gorgeous girl should be celebrating her 5th birthday on Tuesday,  my sweet sweet girl how can this be?