Being without B

Well, I guess this is my first blog post.

I lost my daughter Breanna "B" aged 2 on August 11 2011 when she drowned in a  swimming pool at my parents home in Louisiana.  Its not been until really recently that i have felt like I can talk about what happened and how I feel outside of my own head.  It hasn't been until recently, reading the blogs of other bereaved parents that I have realized I am not alone in this.  Rather, I am now part of an exclusive group of people who all share the same thing, some are truly wonderful people, people I would be honored to be friends with in real life, but we are part of a group that no one wants to join.  Mothers and fathers who have buried their child, who have faced the ultimate fear and have found an unbelievable strength from somewhere to carry on.

Something though i have found is that I am so used to putting on a brave face for the outside world that what i feel isn't said, it just goes round and round and round in my head and plays heavy on my heart.  Like others, I now join the world of blogging to tell those thoughts to the internet, to any one who wants to listen.  I have found that reading the thoughts of others in the same situation makes me find comfort in the fact that I am not alone.  Its unfair, its not right, its unbelievably painful but I am not the only one and when your the one who doesn't get to see their child again and the world goes on around you, it feels so bloody lonely like your the only one.

If you happen to come across this blog and you know me, I will make no apologies for what I write here, feel free to skip.