A question of culture?

I know that after B died a massive portion of blame fell on me, if I had waited to get my drink if I had insisted she stay with me instead of running ahead if I hadn't done a lot of things she wouldn't be dead. To be honest I accept that blame but I also see now that blaming myself absolutely won't bring her back so I try my hardest to not dwell on that part of it, to not focus on the what ifs.

The only person who has actually come out and said 'you should have gone with her' or questioned my actions on the day to my face was an American friend of mine who swiftly followed it with I would have never had put my child in danger like that despite the fact she has a 1/2 mile pond at the bottom of her garden and let's her children play out alone. I accepted her critisim of my parenting at the time because to be honest I accept that people may have that view as a way of saying I would never do it therefore my child won't ever die, it's a sort of false protection. We still communicate via Facebook and in her own way she has been supportive since B died, alot of the disagreements we do have are over our polar views on racism homosexuals God Obama and guns. . But that I think is partly down to the countries we live in, in my opinion the USA is so forward thinking in alot of ways and so backwards in others.

So for Christmas Day she buys her son a BB gun probably in length the same as his height, a gun that although isn't designed to kill can if used incorrectly and can harm. Her boy is two months younger than B, so approaching 4. I have to be honest I can't help but think I turn my back I'm a bad mother, you buy your son a gun and that's acceptable?