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Dear Lyn

It's been along time hasn't it? No your right it hasn't really, six years in the grand scale of time is barely a whisper yet it feels like such a long time since we spoke, since I heard your voice since I saw you.

I've been trying to work things out and I wish I knew the answer. I'm sorry that you felt the only option was to leave it breaks my heart to know that wasn't true. I read the letters Lyn I know that for you this was a way of making everything ok. You didn't want to go but life had become so unbearable that you didn't want to be here either. I wish I could have helped you. I wish that you knew that I loved you and I wish you believed it. I would have done anything but in the moments when you just seemed to hate me I knew the best thing I could do for you was to walk away. I didn't want too.

It's strange it's something that I struggle with. Your not here. I'm not sure where you are, I don't know what comes next, but if B is with you even if there is the tiniest possibility. Tell her I'm sorry

Tell her that if I could I would be with her. Tell her I long to see her, to here her too feel her next to me.

Tell her that in that moment I made a mistake. Tell her I'm sorry. Tell her that I tried to bring her back to me. Tell her I love her.

It's been a long time Lyn yet in other ways just a moment and all these moments ahead of me engulf me sometimes. All the things I have to do without you, without her. I wish I knew what the answer was. I miss her so much Lyn I miss her smile her giggle the joy she brought in my life my life is different without you both. It's difficult it's hard it's crazy it's shit it's not what I wanted, it's difficult and I don't like it.

I never said goodbye to you Lyn I never did once you became ill I always said see you later xxxxx